Men and Women, Sex and OrgasmBegging Sometimes, when you pleasure someone, they say that they want you to continue touching them, but you feel they've had enough. In these moments, trust yourself. This is a great time to communicate what is going on, and it even opens up an opportunity for your partner to beg you to rub them. Begging can be a fun game to play, and it can add to the experience. We've known couples who have had a lot of fun with it. Begging usually consists of being extremely polite, rather than actually groveling. Some of the lines we have heard include: "Will you please rub me some more, kind sir (kind madam)?" and "Please, don't stop." It is a way to get your partner to admit that they are being pleasured, and it allows them to express their surrender. Remember that the surrender is to their own greater pleasure, not to some superior person. Some people really get into roleplaying, assuming dominant or submissive (top or bottom) roles. This is fine as long as it's played between consenting adults and they properly communicate with each other. We are not experts in this area, however, so we advise you to find appropriate books or groups to learn more. Of course, if your partner's begging doesn't feel sincere, let them know. If you or your partner feel that the begging game is sexist or morally wrong, you are not required to play it in order to experience a great orgasm. Advanced Pleasuring A number of women are able to have great orgasms. Most of them have trained their bodies to be able to experience a great deal of pleasure. The amount of training that's needed depends on the woman. We have met some women who, almost immediately after finding out that extended orgasms were available, were able to experience them, so they needed very little training. But most people need more time to train their bodies to feel that much pleasure. We use the term "advanced pleasuring" for someone who can already have long, intense orgasms. Some women have trained their bodies to feel a lot of pleasure are able to get off even before you touch them. They can come if you blow air on their genitals or through heavy pressure. They can orgasm and have strong contractions if they're touched anywhere around the vicinity of their clitorises. They can tell immediately if you are on their spot, but they can get off very well even if you're not. They have even bigger and more intense orgasms if you're on the spot and know when to peak them. These advanced comers are a lot of fun, and they're easy to do. They can talk easily about what they feel and are able to report all specific experiences of pleasure while they're being pleasured. They can tell you what they like while you pleasure them, and they can help you succeed. Of course, you still have to pay attention to what you are doing and remember when to take breaks and when to peak your partner. Advanced pleasuring's basic requirements are identical: You keep your attention on your partner and notice where she is. You go with your feelings. However, with an advanced partner the breaks are usually shorter, the peaks are longer, and she's ready to go for more pleasure in a split second. Sometimes, women who can get off really well become lazy at it. If this happens, you must point it out in a friendly way at first. Usually, once you catch her being lazy or not coming as well as she could, she's grateful that you noticed and will get off like a bandit in the future. After all, if you, have been lazy and let her get away with mediocre orgasms, you cannot expect her to respond to your touch with her greatest orgasm in the future either. Of course, having mediocre orgasms sometimes is okay - just remember to point it out and to notice what's going on. Intention is a very important skill when doing an advanced partner. Intention can be described as using your focus and attention to produce an effect in the universe. In this case, you intend to bring another person's energy level higher or lower, depending on what you feel in your own body. By having strong intention, you can bring people up with almost any stroke and can also bring them down with the same stroke. The only difference is your intention. A good way to demonstrate intention is through direct, spoken instructions, which are very effective on sexually trained women. With your full attention and intention, the advanced partner will be able to have - at worst - a wonderful time and a great orgasm. At best, she might just have the best orgasm of her life. Coming Together The coming together position is especially useful for women, who are often curious about the most pleasurable way to deal with a man's genitals. The most pleasurable way to deal with anything - including genitals - is via orgasm. This position gives her the opportunity to do just that. The woman lies on her back. The man lies on his side (on his right side if left-handed, on his left side if right-handed) facing the opposite direction. His head is near his partner's genitals, and his partner's head is near his genitals. This way, his hands can touch his partner's genitals and he can see them as well. They should use lots of pillows to prop themselves up and to help them stay in a relaxed, comfortable position. Place large pillows behind you, for support, and rest your arm upon a smaller pillow. It's best to start by pleasuring the woman in bed first. The man lies on his left side with his left arm (if he's right-handed) between her legs, resting on his forearm. She lies on her back. His upper torso, meanwhile, rests comfortably upon a pillow that is on her left thigh. He can then use his right hand to stroke her genitals, just as we described in the regular pleasuring positions. He can tease, lubricate her genitals, and start stroking with lots of communication, letting her know what he is doing at all times. Once she is receiving regular, repeated, pleasurable strokes and is coming easily, he can pretty much lie back while continuing to stroke. She can then rise onto her side and begin to pleasure her partner while he pleasures her. Using some lubricant that's been placed conveniently nearby, she can play with his cock. If she so desires, she can place the head of his penis in her mouth, keeping her lips soft and her mouth above the crown of his penis, as she continues to stroke with her hands. She shouldn't bob her head up and down but should use her mouth to feel and give pleasure. And remember that communication needs to be ongoing - it is difficult to talk with a cock in your mouth, so this part is really recommended for advanced students. And the male partner needs to do lots of talking if she has her mouth occupied. Competition for attention and selfishness are what cause "Coming Demons" to thrive. If you're thinking that your partner should put more attention on your genitals, or if you're wondering whether to feel your genitals or put more attention on your partner's, you are in your head rather than feeling. This is the time to communicate and even take a break if necessary. You want to continuously have and give attention, not feel that you need attention. You can tame the "Coming Demons" if you enthusiastically enjoy yourself, do what feels best, and communicate. You use the same techniques as in ordinary doing: use peaking, take breaks, and do lots of talking. When you do this position properly, energy circulates through your bodies. The more you approve of and appreciate what is happening, the higher you're able to go. Before you start this exercise, you can decide how long you wish to continue it. Remember that you are touching for your own pleasure, not for any effect. Here's an example of coming together. A man and woman decide to use the standard coming together position. They talk about how they will lie on the bed, and they gather all the necessary pillows. The man wants a couple of large pillows to place behind him to support his back. He wants a medium-size pillow to place on the woman's thigh and a small pillow to place under his doing arm. The woman wants a pillow to place under her outside thigh, a large pillow near at hand that she can use to support her back when she moves onto her side, and a pillow to place under her head. They each have some Vaseline and a washcloth nearby. They agree to do this position for twenty-five minutes and at that point to decide if they want to continue or do something else. They set the alarm clock for twenty-five minutes. At first, the woman lies on her back. The man lies on his left side, stuffing the large pillow behind his back. He places his left hand under the woman's buttocks, resting his forearm between her legs. He rests his side upon a pillow placed over her thigh. His right arm is free to reach for lubricant, and he can rest his right elbow on a small pillow on her abdomen. After teasing her pubic hair and different parts of her pussy, he lets her know that he is going to put some lubricant on her clitoris. He puts some lubricant on her perineum and on her inner lips, and then he puts some lubricant directly on her clitoris and starts to take her up. She really enjoys his strokes and acknowledges all the wonderful sensations that she experiences. He reports all signs of orgasm and tells her how wonderful her genitals feel and smell. He peaks her by skipping a stroke and then starts taking her up again. He takes her for a couple more peaks, and she really gets off well. She puts some lubricant on her hands. As she moves from her back to her side, getting comfortable with the proper pillow arrangement, she informs him that she will put the lubrication on him. He keeps stroking and lets her know how exquisite her hands on his cock feel. She tells him that she is going to hold his cock before stroking it. She tells him how engorged he is becoming and how great her pussy feels. They now go up together, both stroking, for a great peak, acknowledging the whole time. They stop at about the same time, tell each other how much fun they are having, and agree to start stroking again. They peak together a number of times, going higher with each peak. He lies on his back now, still stroking her clitoris. Her orgasm is taking him higher, and his is taking her higher at the same time. She tells him that she is going to ejaculate him on the next peak and that there is nothing that he can do to stop her. She takes him higher and higher, feeling her pussy at the same time. He gets a secondary erection, his cock purple and bulbous, as he starts ejaculating in her hands, and then she lightens and slows down her stroke, extending the orgasm. After lying in sheer ecstasy for a while, he gets back onto his side and gives her a pull-up as she continues to have strong contractions. They towel each other off just as the alarm rings. You can come together in variations of the position described above. One position that we sometimes use is the bonobo position. The man sits over the woman in the ordinary pleasuring position. After she has started to get off well, she puts some lubricant on his cock and strokes it with her hand or against her thigh without having to move her body. Both people can orgasm pleasurably together. Of course, communication still needs to be top-notch in this position.
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