Men and Women, Sex and OrgasmTouching a Man When pleasuring a man, tease him by lightly touching him around his cock. By touching his pubic hair, thighs, perineum, etc., you can get him aroused. It's also very important to use a lubricant, whether it's Vaseline, a water-soluble lubricant, or even saliva. We recommend putting lubricant on the entire surface of his penis before starting to stroke. You can erotically lubricate his cock, using a firm but light touch. Start from the back of the cock and end at its apex (the underside of the cock's head, which is usually his most sensitive area). You can also experiment with different ways of applying the lubricant and come up with your own style. Some men like you to warm the lubricant in your hands before applying it; other men prefer the coolness of the lubricant when it comes directly from the tube. Just as when a man does a woman, a woman needs to touch a man with the purpose of having her hand feel pleasure. Stroking for an effect is usually much less pleasurable for your partner. Remember that if a man's cock is not hard, that does not mean he cannot feel pleasure. The nerve endings are still there, and if his penis is touched pleasurably, it can feel exquisite to him. However, if you "lose contact" because he is not hard, he definitely feels that, and the chances for his penis to become harder are doomed. So stroke with the intention of making your hand feel great. We recommend using the maximum surface area of your hand and fingers and touching your fingers to the area over his urethra. Use an up-and-down stroke over the shaft and head of the cock, and remember to feel it in both directions. You will probably want to lighten up as you go over the apex and head of his cock. When men masturbate, they often rub themselves hard and fast, because their primary goal is to relieve their sexual tension rather than to create pleasure. But he can and will feel more if you use a slow, long, light touch. You'll have to communicate what you are up to, of course. If this is the first time, or among the first times, that someone has rubbed him this way, it might not be entirely enjoyable to him, and you may want to mix in some peaks during which you use faster and harder strokes. Don't, however, give up on the light, slow strokes. Soon he'll appreciate those strokes even more than the hard, fast ones. Also try some long strokes, moving all the way down to the base of the cock and all the way up to its tip. To take him higher, the technique of peaking (described later) works with men as well. Stop stroking just before he is ready to go over, then take him for another peak. You will peak him by changing the stroke, just as men do when pleasuring women. Any time you change the stroke, you bring him down. We have seen many women prematurely change the stroke, which kept their partners from going higher. It is very important to keep repeating the exact same stroke until you are ready to deliberately bring him down by peaking him. The stroke that best brings him up is consistent, dependable, and reliable. Learn what he likes. You can have fun investigating the different strokes that pleasure him. You can give him short strokes just on his glans. You can use really long strokes, going to the base of his cock and pressing down against his body. You can use your other hand to play with his scrotum (it feels good to pull, tug, and push the scrotum, as long as you don't push it toward his body.) You can pleasurably touch his hidden cock, which is under his scrotum. You can use more pressure on his hidden cock and on the base of his cock as opposed to his glans, which is homologous to the clitoris and is where the highest concentrations of his nerve endings are. When you use a long stroke, remember to lighten up as you pass over his apex. You can lubricate his anus and play with that, too, if you both agree. The anus has the body's second highest concentration of nerve endings, in both men and women. Once his cock is hard, you can move it around like a gearshift on a car, as long as you communicate and progress using small increments. Besides stroking, you can also hold his cock in your hand and play with different pressures. You can pull on his cock and use it in whatever way you like. Find out what his fantasies are. You can use those when pleasuring him, if you so desire. The cock can be a really fun toy as long as you are touching it for your own pleasure. You can become an artist in pleasuring a man and touch him in whatever way you create. If touched with pleasure, the cock will respond. If he's ready to ejaculate but you're not ready for that, press into the area between his scrotum and anus. This will prevent him from going over. Also try squeezing the head of his cock. If you've noticed early enough that he's going to come, simply remove your hand from his cock or change your stroke. In tantric yoga, the man usually does not ejaculate at all. He's able to go higher and higher by using the technique of peaking. However, we don't believe that releasing ejaculate is harmful -semen is replenished quickly, and unless you're on a desert island without water, you can easily rehydrate yourself. We think that it's sometimes really fun to ejaculate, and other times it's really fun to go for more peaks and pass on this release. Sometimes everything goes well when you pleasure a man, but suddenly it doesn't feel so good to him anymore. The problem could be something as simple as a loose or out-of-place pubic hair that's interfering with a smooth stroke. Check the cock for pubic hairs or any other foreign materials that in might be stuck to it or accidentally introduced when you lubricated him. Once, when a woman was pleasuring me, it stopped feeling great. I asked her to lighten up, thinking that maybe she was using too much pressure, but we discovered that a loose pubic hair was causing the irritation. After its removal, she could use all sorts of different pressures that all felt wonderful. You can pleasure a man for a few strokes or a long time. You can finish him off quickly or extend his orgasm through peaking. You can let him leak pre-ejaculate fluid for a number of peaks (this happens when some ejaculate oozes out of his urethra, even cascading over his penis, but doesn't squirt in the fashion he may be used to). He may have contractions and be in orgasm throughout many peaks. Make sure he is relaxed, and don't let him tense up. Remind him to push out (see details later) and relax, just as a man reminds a woman to relax. Only pleasure him for as long as you feel like pleasuring him. If he has not ejaculated and wants to, but you don't want to go there, he can finish pleasuring it himself. It is a lot of fun to ejaculate a penis, and many women can get off themselves and feel their pussies while pleasuring it. Once men do start ejaculating, most men appreciate their partners lightening their touch. Of course, find out exactly what your partner prefers. Cock Sucking Sucking a cock can be very pleasurable, too. Again, you have to do it so that it feels good to your lips and tongue, rather than for any effect. It's very erotic, and you can pleasure him with your hands and suck his cock at the same time. Your communication depends mostly on what the man reports; if your guy doesn't talk much, you'll have to train him to talk more. Although it's very erotic and potentially very pleasurable, sometimes women suck cock instead of pleasuring, so they can avoid actually confronting his penis. This reduces the act's eroticism: they don't have to talk, ask questions, or put much attention on what they're pleasuring. They don't have to see the cock, as it is, inside their mouths. Nonetheless, we think sucking is wonderful. It can be used to complement pleasuring or as a separate act entirely. An Example She takes him into the bedroom and tells him to take off his clothes. She takes her clothes off at the same time. She tells him to lie down and sits next to him with one leg over his abdomen. She touches his thighs and testicles and all around the base of his cock. She tells him to relax and that she is in charge of his cock. She brushes all the hair away from his cock and just holds the cock in her hands for about a minute, squeezing gently on occasion, as it fills with blood. She puts on Vaseline, starting with the back and bottom of the cock and working her way toward the apex. She softly grabs his testicles with her left hand and starts stroking with her right hand, with a slow, long stroke of medium-to-light pressure from the base of the penis to its tip, lightening the stroke as she passes over the head of his penis. She feels the pleasure on her hand as she moves it up and back down again. She lets him know that she can feel his cock in her pussy as well as in her hand. She continues to use the same stroke, taking him higher and higher. She then peaks him with a light, quicker stroke on his apex and returns to the slow, long stroke. As she tugs and moves his cock around in small circles, she tells him that she's having her way with his cock. She plays with his hidden cock with her left hand as she continues to stroke with her right hand. He tells her that her naked thighs turn him on, and she tells him that she will rub them against his cock sometime. Then she tells him a fantasy about her thighs, which turns him on even more. He asks her to squirt him, and she responds that she is in charge and will squirt him in her own good time. Just for that, she gives him another peak. She takes him on a few more peaks, taking him higher still. He's leaking, but she peaks him before he can ejaculate. Finally, she says that this time she is going to squirt him, and she deliciously strokes his cock from bottom to top, using both hands on it at once. He goes into stronger ejaculatory contractions as she slows down and lightens her stroke. She continues to rub until the sensation has been totally consumed.
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