Men and Women, Sex and OrgasmWe are two sex therapists who teach the art of sexual pleasuring, using the techniques described on this site. These sexual techniques, which may be new to you, will create intense sexual pleasure for your partner. This has nothing to sex with intercourse - instead, it's the art of manipulating a woman's genitals, especially her clitoris, with the hands, or manipulating a man's genitals in the same way, for sexual pleasure. In particular, when we talk of pleasure, we mean extended orgasms that last much longer than you might even have thought possible. You don't have to master everything at once, so relax and enjoy every step of the journey. We all have to learn how to give our partner the greatest sexual pleasure, but fortunately, as you will see, it isn't hard to do this! The Basic
Techniques Of Sexual Pleasure People's sex lives can include all aspects and varieties of sexual experience, but we think that hand-to-genital manipulation is the most effective way to produce an extended orgasm. Training to produce extended orgasms, which involves communication and special sexual techniques, also enhances other types of sexual acts. Pleasuring someone involves the seduction of his or her mind and total being, with the goal of giving your partner wonderful pleasure. Although you are pleasuring your partner through their genitals, your attention has to be on your partner, not just her genitals. How to pleasure a woman and a man is described here. We'll provide you with a general overview of the information and techniques that are necessary in this art: how to lubricate, how to expose the clitoris, how to position your touching hand, where to touch a woman, and what you can do with your free hand. After you've learned the basics, we'll describe some pleasurable techniques for pleasuring a man. We'll also describe "peaking", which can be used to intensify and elongate an orgasm, and explain the ways in which it's similar in men and women. Finally, we'll talk about the signs of orgasm and conclude with information on how to bring your partner down from the ecstasy of orgasm. Pleasuring A Woman When pleasuring a woman, one of the most important first steps is to ask her to get into a sex position in which you can pleasure her. Basically, you want her to lie down while you lie down or sit next to her so that you have a good view of her genitals. Later, we provide a whole section about different sex positions that she can assume, but we'll give you the basic guidelines here. Beds are a good place to lie down, but a mat on the floor or a blanket in the woods also works. You want her to be comfortable, and you must also be comfortable, because you both need to be able to stay in your positions as long as necessary. Also, in order for her to experience an extended orgasm, her body must be very relaxed. Your body must be relaxed too, because your partner will feel any tension that you experience. All your "pleasuring" paraphernalia, such as lubricants, towels, and drinks, should be within arm's reach. When you first pleasure a woman, it's a good idea to become familiar with her genitals. Before touching her genitals, you'll want to get a good view of them and notice and report what you see. (The "Training and Communication" section tells you more about what to say at this point.) This may mean using a fairly bright light, so that you can see what you are doing. A woman who is interested in having better orgasms values a man who is interested in looking and learning about her body and its capacity for sexual pleasure. Before putting on any lubricant, we recommend that you separate her labia minora (inner lips) with your hands, gently placing both your palms on her labia majora (outer lips) and slowly moving them apart. This separation gives you a better view of her clitoris, vulva and the other parts of her genitals. You can also separate the inner lips with a couple of fingers, pulling gently apart on both labia. Move all pubic hairs that might interfere with your strokes out of your way. If there are any loose hairs or foreign materials on her genitals, like toilet paper, remove them as well. It is fun to tease a woman's genitals before you put on any lubricant or do any stroking. You can lightly touch all around her genitals, except her clitoris, as long as it is pleasurable. This makes her want you to touch her clitoris. Some women may be so wet that you can use their natural lubricant. We think that it is even better to use additional lubricant, as the clitoral area does not produce natural lubricant, and you may be rubbing for an extended time and you won't want to cause any abrasions. You can expose the clitoris by pulling back its hood. It is a good idea to "anchor" (see below) her clitoris with the thumb of your pleasuring hand, as the clitoris can be very elusive. After you pull back the hood, stroke directly on the clitoris with either your middle or index finger. The entire head of the clitoris is very sensitive, but there will be one spot which is more sensitive than any other. Now that you know where her "spot" is, you have to learn how to lubricate, how to anchor, and how to stroke for optimal pleasure. Lubrication First, the lubrication. There are a number of different lubricants that you can use. Some are more viscous than others. Vaseline and Abolene are petroleum based and quite thick. They have good staying power and need not be reapplied. They can stain the sheets, however, and some people don't like the feel. They should not be used with latex, as they cause it to break down. Many water-soluble lubricants come in different viscosities, too. We like to use KY Jelly, which is fairly thick for a water-soluble lubricant. It is also fun to spread on the genitals. If you are stroking for a while and her genitals start to feel dry and sticky, you can dip your finger into a little water, which causes the already applied lubricant to become slippery again. Some people like to use Astroglide, which is very liquid. You can create your own style of applying
the lubricant. Depending on which lubricant you prefer and how viscous it
is, you can spread the lubricant with a delicious touch. When I use KY
Jelly, I spread it slowly up from the perineum, along both lips. I use two
or three fingers, and as I approach the clitoris, I spread my fingers
apart and deliberately avoid lubricating the clitoris. Another method is
to lubricate each inner lip separately, with a slow and deliberate touch.
This is a good way to apply Vaseline. You can spend time on each lip,
getting very close to the clitoris and then backing off. You can play with
the area right under her clitoris, which is called the vestibule. You can
even touch the clitoris from below, hold your finger there for a few
seconds, and then return to the vestibule. You can invent all kinds of
creative ways to spread the lubricant, and you can do it differently each
time if you wish. Anchoring the Clitoris The clitoris tends to move while you are trying to stroke it. This usually happens when you are pleasuring someone for the first few times, and it is part of normal resistance. It sometimes happens even after you have done someone a number of times. Some women's clitorises tend to move more than others. The clitoris "dives" under the hood, back into her body, or even shifts from the left to the right side or vice versa. Anchoring the clitoris prevents it from moving. To anchor it, first place the meaty part of the thumb of your pleasuring hand against the left side of her hood (if you are right-handed) and press toward her clitoris, where the head and shaft meet. Then pull up on the hood, exposing the clitoris. If you are left-handed, place your left thumb against the right side of the hood and pull up on the hood to expose the clitoris. You are now free to stroke directly on the clitoris with either your middle or index finger; your thumb, exerting a light to moderate pressure against the shaft, will keep the clitoris from moving as it presses. Some people have difficulty pulling up the hood to expose the clitoris. If this is the case, you can use your free hand to pull back the hood. Place your palm on the pubic area and press up till the clitoris is exposed. You can also ask your partner to put her fingers on her pubic area and pull up the hood herself. Other pages on the site
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