Men and Women, Sex and Orgasm
We are two sex therapists who teach the art of sexual pleasuring, using the techniques described on this site. These sexual techniques, which may be new to you, will create intense sexual pleasure for your partner.
This has nothing to sex with intercourse - instead, it's the art of manipulating a woman's genitals, especially her clitoris, with the hands, or manipulating a man's genitals in the same way, for sexual pleasure.
In particular, when we talk of pleasure, we mean extended orgasms that last much longer than you might even have thought possible. You don't have to master everything at once, so relax and enjoy every step of the journey. We all have to learn how to give our partner the greatest sexual pleasure, but fortunately, as you will see, it isn't hard to do this!
All these techniques are based on the work of Vera and Steve Bodansky. We recommend you visit their website for further information.
Advice for men on giving a woman an extended orgasm
There are many different ways of reaching orgasm, but one of the best ways if you're interested in experiencing an extended orgasm, is to masturbate your partner with your hand.
However, achieving an extended orgasm for your partner doesn't just involves the manipulation of her genitals. It also involves clear communication, the exercise of your masculinity, and paying focused attention to what she and you are experiencing as you masturbate her.
What you'll find as you do this is that your attention has to be fully on your partner, not just on her genitals or her body: you should be "with" her, enjoying mindful sex, in an almost spiritual sense, almost feeling what she's feeling, being sensitive to every nuance of her experience, and adjusting what you do as you sense her focus and attention increasing and decreasing during the experience.
The basics of providing a woman with an extended orgasm is to manipulate her genitals, specifically her clitoris, in a way that increases her sexual arousal slowly and surely, before you reduce or stop stimulating her so that her arousal decreases slightly; you then continue stimulating her so that her arousal increases once more, and you bring her to a higher peak than the previous one.
In this way you achieve a series of pre-orgasmic peaks of increasing arousal and pleasure, before you finally bring her to a massive crescendo of orgasmic pleasure, after which you slowly bring her arousal down to the normal resting level. This technique of peaking is the key to intensifying and elongating an orgasm.
When you're pleasuring a woman, it's absolutely essential that you get her into a position in which you can continue to pleasure her for as long as it takes to reach an extended orgasm whilst remaining comfortable yourself. You can do this by lying beside her on the bed, or you can do this by sitting in a chair beside the bed as she lies down.
Because you both need to stay in your positions for as long as it takes to enjoy the experience of extended orgasm, or for as long as you choose to maintain the experience, it's important that you have everything you need within arm's reach, and it's also important that you're able to remain relaxed: muscular tension in either you or your partner will inhibit the process of extended orgasm.
If you're not very familiar with female genitals, start by having a good look at them. We're assuming for the purposes of this description that you are actually already familiar and comfortable with your partner, perhaps in a sexual relationship with her, and certainly comfortable enough to explore her genitals without any embarrassment on either your part or hers.
Clearly if you have a problem in knowing how to please a woman, at this stage of the process, then you have some work to do on communication, and perhaps also in reassuring her that she is safe and in the hands of a man she can trust.
This is where the exercise of your masculinity is important: a woman needs to surrender both body and mind to you to enter into the process of extended orgasm without inhibition, and she's only going to do this if she trusts and respects you as a man who can take control of the situation and keep it safe.
If, therefore, you need to do some work on developing your masculinity, you may find this information on how a man should relate to a woman helpful.
Although this description may sound rather clinical, it's actually far from that: what we're trying to achieve is a situation where you're completely relaxed with your partner, regarding extended orgasm as just one more thing that the human body is capable of doing, and that you can share together in an atmosphere of lightheartedness and fun.
So start by looking at her genitals and exploring the layout of clitoris, labia and vulva.
All women's genitals, although they follow the same plan, are slightly different. Make sure you know where her clitoris is, whether the hood will retract, how prominent it is, and how sensitive it is -- and do this using plenty of lubrication.
As you may know, a woman may find stimulation of her clitoris to be irritating if she's not particularly aroused. The more aroused she is, the more she can take a firmer pressure on her clitoris and the more direct stimulation you can give it.
This means that you may need to start your session of extended pleasuring by gently stimulating the area around the clitoris rather than directly on the glans.
You can also take a woman to orgasm by first gently playing with her labia: teasing them gently, exploring them, perhaps even gently pulling them.
Make sure, however, that you respect her and her sexuality and you don't do anything that impinges on or infringes her boundaries. By the way, if you find that fatty tissue is getting in the way of your sexual exploration, then it's highly recommended that you lose weight - which will also ensure you feel better and have a higher libido.
Trust and Respect
The more she trusts you, the better the results will be. You aren't taking liberties with her genitals, you're just demonstrating to her that you're in control, confident about what you're doing, and respectful of what she needs so she can enjoy the maximum potential her body can offer her.
You can read more about the female orgasm and how to make a woman orgasm here - and there there are all kinds of orgasmic techniques on offer.
So as part of this process, you may find that you're taking her beyond the level of comfort that she normally accommodates in her clitoris: the key is to be sensitive to what she can take, to push the boundaries just a little beyond what she is accustomed to, but at the same time ensure that the experience remains pleasurable not painful.
So when you start stimulating her clitoris you want to do two things: first of all, you want to find the most sensitive spot on her glans. The easiest way to do this is by using plenty of lubrication on the clitoris after you pull back its hood.
And because the clitoris has a tendency to disappear -- it's only a small organ, after all -- particularly when she's sexually aroused, you may want to hold it in place with either the finger or the finger and thumb of the other hand -- that is to say the one you're not using to actually stimulate the glans of the clitoris.
You'll also want to hold back the prepuce or hood so that you can easily reach the shiny clitoral "pearl" or glans.
As far as lubrication is concerned, water-based lubricants are by far the best, and if they dry out during use, you simply need a spray of water on hand so you can reactivate them.
But just how do you stroke her clitoris so that she obtains maximum amount of pleasure?
Well, start lower down, perhaps on her labia, or on her vulva. Use gentle, teasing, exploratory strokes which gradually work nearer and nearer to theclitoral body and the glans.
Work around her clitoris to start with, perhaps rubbing the shaft of the clitoris through her labia, or simply massaging gently around in a circle with plenty of lubricant. One good idea is to use the side of your finger to rub up her vulva, gently tapping against the base of her clitoris as you get to the top of her vulva.
If you're using lubricant, it's a lot easier to invent all kinds of creative strokes which you can use from top to bottom of her vulva, while applying gentle teasing strokes on to the clitoris.
If you're experiencing difficulty with keeping the clitoris in place while you're trying to stroke it, one good way to anchor it is by placing the pad of your thumb on the side of the clitoris and drawing back the hood while using your index or middle finger to stroke gently across the surface of the glans.
However, with practice you will find your own way of keeping things in place: it's also possible to use both hands in the development of extended orgasm, using the thumb and finger of one hand to maintain the clitoris's position, while using the fingers of the other hand to stimulate it. More here...
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